Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Complicated weddings

 
 
Our wedding photo series (here) remains the most popular article series on this blog. It's a shame I didn't think to add the following entry from the Low Churchman's Guide to Solemn High Mass to our programs.....
 

Complicated Weddings 

It goes without saying that loyal churchmen do not allow their children to marry ritualists. Sometimes, however, two persons of a ritualist persuasion will marry each other. Such marriages are deeply unfortunate, since two ritualists who share a home will only confirm each other in their fanatical extremism. One shudders to think of the children produced by such a union, for whom even such horrors as Compline and the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin would be accepted as everyday occurrences.
When two ritualists make plans for their marriage, their first priority will be to organize an elaborate wedding ceremony; indeed, in many cases it may appear as though the marriage itself is a mere pretext to arrange this service. Ritualists are especially eager to hold such complicated weddings because marriage provides a pretext to trick their family members and social acquaintances into attending ritualist worship, as it were by stealth. It is not clear whether Ritualists view such wedding invitations as an opportunity to make converts to their cause or as a form of abuse; if the latter, they are notably successful. The loyal churchman, aware of such stratagems, will refuse all wedding invitations as a matter of course unless he has been assured that the ceremony will contain no ritualist elements.
The English church, in its infinite wisdom, has appointed a brief Office for the Solemnization of Matrimony, which if performed soberly and without such irrelevancies as processions or music can be concluded in twenty minutes without difficulty. There is no need to affix this nuptial office to any of the other services of divine worship, which are meant to be celebrated separately: that which the Prayer Book hath put asunder let no man rashly join together. Among Ritualists, however, the marriage service is not considered complete unless it is preceded by a Grand Procession with confraternity banners and followed by a Solemn High Mass, a Solemn Angelus with Benediction of St Ursula, a Te Deum, the Rededication of a Lightly Used Monstrance, the Conditional Rebaptism of the Oblates of St Januarius, and the Requiem Dance of the Seven Virgins. By the time the bride and groom emerge from the cloud of incense in which the service had begun six hours earlier, they are typically greeted by an empty church, as all their guests are in an adjoining room being treated for smoke inhalation and heat exhaustion.

3 comments:

  1. "Among Ritualists, however, the marriage service is not considered complete unless it is preceded by a Grand Procession with confraternity banners and followed by a Solemn High Mass, a Solemn Angelus with Benediction of St Ursula, a Te Deum, the Rededication of a Lightly Used Monstrance, the Conditional Rebaptism of the Oblates of St Januarius, and the Requiem Dance of the Seven Virgins."

    Nonsense! Every true Ritualist knows that the marriage is invalid if accompanied by any form of liturgical dance!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I fully intend to reprint this in the programme if I ever marry!

    ReplyDelete
  3. As a former 'Spike' this is one of my favourite websites! I think I've read every post on it.

    ReplyDelete